Get jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.

Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

Why did Stephen Hawking go to Hell?

He couldn't get up the stairway to Heaven.

The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.

What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?

A clout chaser.

Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.

Why did the chicken kill himself?

To get to the other side.

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?

A: They get their shit packed the night before.

How do you get a clown off your swing?

You shoot it.

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Why does the Sun go to school?

To get brighter!

What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.

What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?

... A boner.

Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.

They never get old.

How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Helen Keller.

Helen Keller who?

(Don't say anything).

Helen Keller who?

...you will get a laugh...ty.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.