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Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
A: One of them gets picked.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?" The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.