Funeral jokes
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
I put the fun in funeral.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.