Funeral jokes
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
#RIPBOZO
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.