Funeral jokes

This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

When Cincinnati played Alabama in 2021, they wore black at their funeral! 🤣

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

I put the fun in funeral.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.

Student: My name is Buttitches.

Teacher: Please tell us your real name.

Student: Buttitches.

Teacher: I’m calling the police.

Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.

Student: Buttitches.

Police: *shoots gun.*

A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

Haha, dead.

Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?

Because Sally wrote the invitations!

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.

What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.