Funeral jokes

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.

What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?

The pose!

Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

I put the fun in funeral.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!

The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

#RIPBOZO

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.