Funeral

Funeral Jokes

Crematorium

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

Bar

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

Loss

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

Song

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

Grandma

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

Boss

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

Bed

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

Victim

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

Orphanage

Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?

So they can always see their parents.

Grandma

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

Coffin

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

Gunshot

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

Cremation

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Game Night

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Overdose

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Detector

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.