What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.
Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
Your mom gay.
Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?
So they can always see their parents.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
