Funeral jokes

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

#RIPBOZO

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

I put the fun in funeral.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Your mom gay.

Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?

So they can always see their parents.

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.