Funeral jokes

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to be there.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?

The pose!

Your mom gay.

Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?

So they can always see their parents.

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

There's something special about cemeteries.

People are dying to get inside.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.