Funeral jokes
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
I put the fun in funeral.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
#RIPBOZO
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
Your mom gay.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?
So they can always see their parents.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.