Funeral jokes

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."

Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.

Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

1. Full name: John.

2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

9. Working motivation: none.

I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!

When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.