Funeral jokes
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Little Johnny died.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"