Funeral jokes
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!