Funeral jokes
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Haha, dead.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...