Funeral Jokes

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

What happened when the man died? Yes.

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

I bet the emo kids are jealous when they go to funeral.

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

When Cincinnati played Alabama in 2021, they wore black at their funeral! 🤣

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

How do you bury a prostitute?

In a Y-shaped coffin.

Like this if you have ever had a family member die.

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.

You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.