Friends jokes

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Friend 1: Did you?

Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

Friend one: Swear on your life!

Depressed friend 2: I swear.

A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

Your forehead and your hairline must be great friends, because they go way back.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

Is your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go wayyyy back?

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.