Friends jokes

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

Your forehead and your hairline must be great friends, because they go way back.

Is your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go wayyyy back?

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

Friend 1: Did you?

Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

Friend one: Swear on your life!

Depressed friend 2: I swear.

A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?

My Friend: What’s that?

Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)