Friends jokes

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

What does a gun and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

Me: How do cowboys say hello?

Friend: Howdy.

Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?

My Friend: What’s that?

Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.

Hahaha :)

Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.