Friends jokes

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

Your forehead and your hairline must be great friends, because they go way back.

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?

Because they can't make themselves at home.

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?

They always hang around.

Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?

Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?