Friends jokes

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?

Act like a nut.

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

Your forehead and your hairline must be great friends, because they go way back.