Friends jokes
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.
That do be me though
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?
Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3
Why are Liverpool not disabled friendly?
They never walk alone.
Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.