Friends jokes

Misunderstanding

    • Friend: I broke up with Sara.

    Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

    Friend: How did her pussy feel?

    Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

    Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

    Boat

    • One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.

    Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.

    Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."

  • 2

    • Comment

    • 2nd comments from Gwen in her bra.

    Keie: Man Man man! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    heyo: 👅🍑

    Bari: STOP U FUCKIN PEDOS!!!!!!!!!!

    Kenya Bailey: THAT IS ENOUGH! I AM REPORTING ALL OF THIS CRAP TO THE ADMIN!!!!!!!!!!!

    Remera Karwi: Shut up! We jus tellin her she looks like a star no need for all that "crap".

    Kenya Bailey: One guy put tongue and peach aka butt I know a little bit about oral sex my friend or not!

    Friends memes

    Pregnancy

    • So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

    The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

    So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

  • 5

    • Girlfriend

    • A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

  • 0

    • Exorcism

    • My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

    In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

  • 1

    • Pilot

    • My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

    So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

    Friend

    • I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.

    Friend

    • Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

    Me: Me.

    Friend: *does nothing*

    (x_x)

    I forgot that I don't have friends.