Friends jokes

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

I love friends.

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?

Friend: No?

Person: Exactly.

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?

What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:

* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.

A friend of mine says "Baguette" all the time cuz she is French.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.