Friends jokes
Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?
Because they literally can't even.
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.
My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?
Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D
Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?
Me: Call The Police Ka!!!
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."
We never saw him again.
I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
Kid: Dad, where are you going?
Dad: To get milk.
TEN YEARS LATER
Kid's friend: Where's your dad?
Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
Why was the kinetic sand always happy?
Because it was kinetic with its friends!