Friends jokes
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
Son: Daddy?
Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.
Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?
Dad: Wtf are you talking about?
Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?
Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc
Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.
Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz
Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em
Mom: What the fugde is going on?
Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.
Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?
Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.
Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.
Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??
Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!
Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.
Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!
Son: Huh
Son: Mom FUCK U*
Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off
Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH
Son: Moms are the worst, are they?
Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.
Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."