Friends jokes

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.

Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.

Friend: What was the first?

Me: They- they weren't always orphans.

Friend: O-O

Do you know Candice?

"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."

People's music when friends are around: *rock*

When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)