Friend jokes
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Like if your best friend has a dog.
Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.
Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
I was in the mood for some dark meat, so I called my black friend.
Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.