"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
Friend Jokes
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
