My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
I have a little John.
Why was the kinetic sand always happy?
Because it was kinetic with its friends!
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
