Friend jokes

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

Me: Let's go to Randy's.

Friend: There's no Randy's.

Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

Run, bestie, run!

Tell me morbid jokes in comments so I have some jokes for my friend.

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?

"I sea him!"