Friend

Friend jokes

Hairline

    • What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

    He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

  • 1

    • Bar

    • A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.

    "For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"

    The man with glasses frowns.

    "Where did all the others go, then?"

  • 2

    • Whore

    • Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

    Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

  • 1
    • Friend memes

    Material

    • I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

    He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

  • 1

    • Hotel

    • Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

    The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

    After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

    The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

    "Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."

    His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

    After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

    The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

    The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

    The receptionist responds:

    "Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."

  • 1

    • Eggplant

    • I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂

    Daughter

    • My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

    Diet

    • A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

  • 0

    • Murder

    • A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

    (Getting brutally murdered.)

  • 1

    • Miscarriage

    • I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

  • 0

    • Body

    • My friend asked me:

    Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

    Me: "1 million."

    Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

    Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

    Friend: "Oh."