Friend jokes

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?

They always hang around.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.

Me: Mine DON'T :(

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

Went to school today, had to yell at my friend that he wasn't on the clock.

He continued to swing on the pole in front of children.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: I'll fall with you.

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

They didn't know where to put the orphan. He was returned from the hospital he was born from; the parents gained one cent, while the orphan gained potatoes as friends.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 murdered 37 children and 41 adults during the ages of 31-35 years old.

She was then sentenced to a 35 year sentence (Colombian stuff) and came out 70 years old. She then continued to go on a spree and murder 41 more people, in 2 months. 3 years later, 6 stabbed 7 as they were friends. 6 was not sentenced, but deemed a hero. He never forgets that moment. Her soul not floating above, but screaming from the torture it's receiving.

I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

I have 25 friends in the alphabet.

But I don't know why.

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.

Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.

Jane ate her friend’s colon.