Friend jokes
I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
What's Daveon's favorite type of music? Daveon-core.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
I asked my friend Cammy what is 55+68 and he was to say it in words, he replied with "swebin".
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.
I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"
I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
Why do emos have friends?
So they can hang with each other.
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.
Me: That’s a good WAVE.
Friend: I SEA it.
Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.
Me: I was SHORE it would be good.
Friend: I SEA what you did there.
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
My friend is blind.
So he always says he cannot Nazi.