Friend jokes

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

Friend: Hey, wanna race home?

Orphan: What home?

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

Why don't orphans have any friends?

Because they don't have homies.

My friends:

Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.

Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.

Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.

Me: You guys are getting sleep...

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

What do you call a friend in space?

Space friend.

Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.