Friend jokes
I played Uno with my Mexican friend.
That bastard took all the green cards!
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?
If y'all look up freshfry jokes, I'll come up. About a year ago, I had a bunch of friends on this app.
Why does Struan smell so awful? Because he is friends with Jerp.
Why don't orphans have any friends?
Because they don't have homies.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
You: I have a nice hairline.
Your friend: Since when do you have one?
You: I forgot.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
Friends = your power level.
Emo kid = power level: 0000.
What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.