Friend jokes
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
What does an emo kid say to his best friend?
"Let's hang out."
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."
My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"
Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"
I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!
Me be like: ;-;
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
Your forehead and your hairline must be great friends, because they go way back.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).
Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
I only have a few friends, like if you relate.
Based on a true story.
Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."
LOL
There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.