Found jokes

What's black and found on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."

Student: "I need that."

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

Yo mama so fat, she found the barrier to outer space!

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

Just looking for a cunt...

Oh hello, found one.

I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.