Establishment jokes

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

What do you call a club that owls go to?

Hooters.

How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?

Flip it upside down.

Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?

A: They fall.

(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?

Barlos.

What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

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A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.

A guy walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair.

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

A blind man walks into a bar.

And a chair.

And a table.

"Fuck the school, fuck it!"

A seal walks into a club.

A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.