I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked in to the classroom. The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
How did they know that princess Diana had dandraff? , They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
i just found out my ex got stabbed today....lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.
What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found
What did the skeleton say before dinner? BONE appetit. His whole family found that HUMERUS.
Error code 404 "Will to live" not found
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. -- What a waste of thyme.
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
I had recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show, by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
By the way, this joke is easily found on Google, this was not created by me, I just have not seen it in these fat jokes so I thought I'd say it.
Doctor: I diagnoss you with obesitiy. Patient: It runs in the family. Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the the dash.
my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out
