Found jokes

Condom

    • "Son, I found a condom in your room."

    "Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

    "Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

    "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

  • 2

    • Shampoo

    • How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.

  • 8

    • Banana

    • It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

    I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

  • 1
    • Found memes

    Hooker

    • What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

    I've been raped!

  • 1

    • Autopsy

    • I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

    We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

  • 0

    • Viagra

    • We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

  • 0

    • Purgatory

    • A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

    The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

    He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

    Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

    Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

  • 0

    • Skeleton

    • I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

    Website

    • I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

  • 1

    • Government

    • A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.

    In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”

  • 6

    • Orphan

    • Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.

  • 0

    • Water

    • African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

    Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

    African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

    The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

  • 1

    • Thief

    • I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.

    Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!

  • 0