Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it
Curry.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey
A husband comes home from work one day and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
For orphans every bag of chips is family size
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won't ever see my dog again! Italian: I won't ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat. She said nothing, so I took her to Africa
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk? -- In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says "tell ya what, spell out "lad" in salad" she spells L A D, Johnny replies "spell "rot" in carrot" she spells R O T, Johnny says "now spell "fuck" in vegetables or fruits" she says "there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits" Johnny exclaims "thats what ive been trying to tell you!"
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Did you know that McDonalds made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand? Breakfast in bed!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
what type of meat do priests eat on good friday? Nun
