Food jokes
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.
What's long and black? The line at KFC.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.