Food jokes
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
Why did the twin towers complain to the pizza restaurant?... Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and got plain.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I'm a mushroom and I hate this game.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.
Yo' mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.