Food jokes
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
TRY MAI DERICOUS FRY RICE
What do oranges 🍊 sweat?
Juice!
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
Mayonnaise marry me?
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Why were the tenants of the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they got PLANE.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.