Food jokes
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?
Why were the people in 911 devastated?
They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Hamburger cheeseburger Big Mac Whopper.
Women, you're a marshmallow because you're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple got chosen.
Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?
Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
Me: Hey, apple.
Apple: What?
Me: Knife.
Apple: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't "peeling" well!
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I do not know.
What did the customer say when Beef a Roo made him a bacon cheeseburger?
Thank a Roo.
What is a fish's favorite fruit/vegetable?
An avacodo.
Why did the adopted kid eat the last cookie? Because he was the only one left to adopt; everyone hated him.
We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).
SOMEBODY TOUCHA MY SPAGHET!