What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples are picked.
Food Jokes
What do emo kids and apples have in common?
They both hang off trees.
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
Stephen Hawking is to wheelchairs like Uncle Ben is to rice.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
"HEY THAT’S MY MILK!"
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Why can’t blind people eat fish? Because it’s sea food.
