Food jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples are picked.
Beans and toast.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator won’t fart when you pull the meat out.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Do you know Ligma?
Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!
What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?
"Who's the special today?"
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
What do you call a gay barbecue?
LGTBBQ.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.