Food jokes
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
You pecan do it!
Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I'mma cashew outside!
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
What's a dumbfuck's favorite condiment to put on his burger?
Re-tarter sauce.