Food jokes
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentration camp."
Peanut butter 🧈?
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Because their dad never came home from the store.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.