Food jokes
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
Why didn't the Twin Towers order cheese pizza?
They like pepperoni, not plane!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.
I love eggs!
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?
The apple actually gets picked.
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
The Twin Towers ordered two pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plane.
I-I-I-I-I-I keep on hopin' we'll eat cake by the ocean, uh!
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
Panera Bread.
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
At 9/11, the people in the Twin Towers ordered pizza. They asked for pepperoni, but instead got plane.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.