Food jokes
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Q: What's red and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
How do you get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. How do you get them out? Doritos.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
Why does the egg crack? Cos it's sad.