Food jokes
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?
Lean beef.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
What do you call fake noodles?
Impasta!
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."