New Food Jokes - Page 153 - Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?

A Cake By The Ocean.

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.

*Takes huge bite of air.*

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.

So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

Why are eggs bad at puns?

They always mix up their yolks!

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

What do you call a lazy piece of meat?

A meatloaf.

What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.