Food jokes
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What do you call a lazy piece of meat?
A meatloaf.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times!
You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.
My sister said to me "I love him long time."
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Beans, beans, beans. Say what? Say beans, beans, beans.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
I can't stop thinking about those beans.