There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
The waiter recommended the rug meal.
She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
How did the flight attendant want their burger?
Just plane!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
