Food jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked!
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Why was the emo jealous of the orange?
It came precut.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.
I-I-I-I-I-I keep on hopin' we'll eat cake by the ocean, uh!
The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"
Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.