Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?
The licorice is black.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
What’s a booty’s favorite type of bread?
Buns.
