First Jokes

The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.

After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.

The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"

The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."

The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

I was wearing a mask and told the teacher I ate her vagina. She said what? I pulled my mask down and said, "No, I said I like your hyenas." Then a kid sees me do it, but he only heard the first part, so he goes up to the teach and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight." She said, "Pull your mask down," and he pulls his mask down and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight."

The image shows a series of posts. The first post asks, "Remember in college you were making out with Betty from your CompSci class and she put a finger up your butt. So you started questioning your sexual preference?" with a reply, "IT WAS MY FINGER BARRY!". The second post starts with, "Remember when you were jacking off with no clothes on for the first time just to try it out? Remember when your Mom walked by and saw everything, even though you were sure that you had closed the door?" followed by the reply, "It was me, Barry! I opened the door! And don't think for a moment that I didn't see everything too!!". The third post reads, "Remember that wet dream that ruined your favorite cartoon bed spread as a teen?!" with the reply "IT WAS ME, BARRY! I JERKED YOU OFF IN YOUR SLEEP!!"

Why did the first boob say to the 2nd boob: "Between us, I have to take a tit."

I love Fortnite because I touched grass for the first time and also I love Chung Lei.

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.

How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?

Put a flower on their gravestone.

And together we will make America great again.

You were never great in the first place.

Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?

A: Moonday!

Boys are like minis.

Girls are like big pots.

Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.

Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.

Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"

The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"

The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"

The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"

There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"

I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.

Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!

Man 3: Me first!

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?

All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(