Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing and then your house will be gone
There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew and a black man on top of the Empire State Building. First the Mexican and the Jew throws there selves off of the building saying ‘ This is for my people’ Than the black is next up to jump and says ‘This is for my people’ And throws the White man off of the building.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise who gets their first Obviously the lesbian couple they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long You wait to smash, for me and my girlfriend it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling
Being the first to move in chess. It’s a white privilege.
if at first you don't succeed - blame it on the patriarchy
Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
I told my brother If he wanted to have a Wonderful first day of school then he should put cook book in the women’s sports section at the school library.
What did God say when he made the first woman? Where is your dick at?
I told my mom do you want to see a magic trick she said yes. I said you are going to have hot dog and cream pie together. My mom said no I'm not, but I told my mom I'm going to need your assistance. First I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attach to me which she did, the next minute my mom has a cream pie over here face. Then I told my mom you see you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together. Then my mom said when you are you right you are right.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna I’d hit that
Two Italian men get on a bus...
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid? Just beat it
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders is all the time.
President Joesph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to, Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Deleware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place oh well that's politics
