Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital? Reload and keep firing.
I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
