Fire jokes

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.

It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.

Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?

He was caught embezzling.

People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.

How to commit arson:

1. Burn down an orphanage.

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

Why did the dog go into the fire?

Because it wanted to be a hot dog!

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

Apex Legends: exists.

Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."

Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)

Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.