Fire jokes

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?