Fire

Fire jokes

Butcher

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

Bus

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

Baby

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

Orphanage

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

Memes

Fire memes

Top

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Watermelon

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

Viola

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.

Password

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

Drill

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

Calorie

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

Banana

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Magazine

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

Place

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

Firefighter

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.