Fire jokes

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.

I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.