Fire jokes
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.