Fire jokes

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥

I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!