Fire Jokes

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.

What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!

Well boys how we gonna fix this issue

The image shows two frames. The top one is a photo of a fire extinguisher on fire. The bottom frame shows two panels of a cartoon firefighter with an alarmed look on his face and his finger up.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

What do you call a gay kid that is on fire?

LGBBQ

Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

They drop FIRE TRACKS.

What's black and sits on top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.

I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?

Almost took out the whole trailer park.

How to commit arson:

1. Burn down an orphanage.

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.