The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"
Finance Jokes
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Why are you guys making fun of priests?
Because you have a suga daddy already.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Which nut is worth the most? A cashew.
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
