Fast jokes

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

What actor does an orphan hate?

Vin Diesel.

Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.

What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.

Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.

The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.

Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?

Because she knew the lion was always lion.

When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?

When he is on the train.

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?

A: A rocket chip.

What do cannibals call a person that is running?

Fast food.

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?

Because her wheelchair was good.

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

People are like tequila glasses,

you gotta shoot them down fast.

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!