Fast jokes

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.

You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

What does Sonic wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo.

Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!

A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.

"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"

Why did Naruto run fast?

Because he tried to get away from himself.

What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?

The fish can't go fast.

Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”

“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"

My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?

Because her wheelchair was good.

1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed!

4. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield!

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.

What is cheetah's favorite taste to run fast?

Cheetah outta here!

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

Why did the cheetah get sad?

'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

How fast is the speed of sex?

68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.