Family

Family jokes

Cord

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

Mum

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

Orphanage

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Memes

Funeral

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Father

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Orphan

Why are dogs different than orphans?

Because dogs don't cry for their parents.

Dad

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

Orphan

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.

Laugh now.

Dad

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Trashcan

My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"

Orphan

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because I can’t hit a home run. 💀💀💀

Orphan

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

Fat

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

Dress

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!