Family jokes
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.