Family jokes

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

What's a penguin's favorite relative?

Aunt Arctic.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.

When you meet your gf at the family reunion.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.

Q. What type of flour do orphans get?

A. Self-raising flour.

I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.

Onions was such a good dog!

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.

What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?

You don’t need parental consent.

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Me: "I like kids."