Family jokes
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
I think one of my dads might be gay.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.