Family jokes
What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Why do orphans always get an iPhone X?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
I found your parent!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their way home.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
Why don’t orphans have phones?? Because their parents can’t buy them one.
Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!
Me: What do you call an orphan?
Friend: Homeless.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
Hey girl, are you an orphan?
Oh, that’s right, I’m your daddy.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."
If you’re bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't have a home plate.
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
Why do orphans play tennis?
So they can finally get love.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.