Family jokes
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
What do tampons and your sister have in common?
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
Yo, Bloon... what bitch where the fuck my child support camo Bloon? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
Why did the Dad cross the road?
To get the milk.
Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:
Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!
Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.