Family jokes
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What's an orphan's least favorite game?
Baseball because they can't find home plate.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
What’s an orphan's favorite Marvel film?
Spider-Man: Far From Home.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They never reach home.
What's an orphan's favorite band?
Foster the People 😂
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
The F in orphans stands for family...
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.