Family jokes
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find the first base they came from.
I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
If I slap an orphan, what will it do, tell its parents? 🤣😂🤣😂
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"
My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support. :)
My name is what orphans can never have.
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Orphan joke.
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
Why do orphans want an iPhone S? Because it has a home screen.