For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Family Jokes
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They never reach home.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
What's an orphan's favorite band?
Foster the People 😂
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
