Family jokes
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.