Family jokes
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
My mum's a carrot.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."