Family jokes

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?

Because no one misses them.

An orphan? We no jokes.

Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.

What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?

One of them is used.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

The F in orphans stands for family...

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They never reach home.

What's an orphan's favorite band?

Foster the People 😂

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

Why did the orphan go to church?

Because they need a father.

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.