Family jokes
How are an orphan and baseball different from each other?
A baseball game has a home run.
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
Like if you don't have a dad.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Dad jokes.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his mother.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
What kind of flour do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising flour.
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
Friend, your mum's fat.
Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.
Kid: Who is your mom?
Orphan: They left me😭
My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”