Family jokes

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.