Family jokes
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?
One of them is used.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
The F in orphans stands for family...
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
What's an orphan's least favorite game?
Baseball because they can't find home plate.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."