Family jokes
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
What would an orphan priest call himself?
Father Les.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Why can't orphans go on game shows?
You need a family member.
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make a home run.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.