Family jokes
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?
Because it can't hit home.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.
Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.