Family jokes

Why did the orphan become a killer?

Because he knew they would not look for him.

Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?

They were all family sized.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.

Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?

Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.

Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

Violets are blue, roses are red.

Last night your mom was giving me head.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."