Family jokes

Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

Sister: You're adopted.

Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(

Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.

What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?

They were all family sized.

Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?

Because there is never anyone at the door.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.

Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?

Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?

Because it can't hit home.

Q: Can orphans hit a home run?

A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.