Family jokes

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?

Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.

Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.

Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

So Kenny finally found his one true love.

But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

Why are orphans only able to have iPhone X's? Because it doesn't have a home button.

Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.

Dad: What's boofa?

Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.