So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think Iβll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why donβt you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
My dad coming back.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
