Family jokes
What is an orphan's hated movie line?
E.T. phone home.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
It doesn't know where home is.
Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.
jake in influencer land be like (meme i made)
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.
Why can't orphans ride a bike?
'Cause their parents won't follow them.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where the home plate is.
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
What is an orphan's least favorite show?
"Full House."
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.
What shows do orphans dream of?
Full House or Fuller House.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
Fosters.