Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
