Family jokes
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.