Family jokes

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?

My cousin: the other half.

Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.

Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

He wanted to be wanted.

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.

What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?

One of them is used.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?