Family jokes

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.