Family jokes
Why did the Orphan go to church?
To call someone father.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
True as fuck
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't have a closet to come from.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!