Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.
Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
What would an orphan priest call himself?
Father Les.
Why can't orphans go on game shows?
You need a family member.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make a home run.
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?
Because it can't hit home.
