Family jokes
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
Family Feud.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
Where does an orphan come from?
Daddy getting milk.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
Why did the Orphan go to church?
To call someone father.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.