Family

Family jokes

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰

Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?

Because he needs the parent's signature.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"